Jokes

Marriage

Marriage - Before and After

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives.In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man meets a genie.
The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Cosmetics:
A woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

Words to live by:
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said,
"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"

Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Wife: Because I married the wrong man!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

When a man is single, he's incomplete.
When he's married, he's finished.

Previous Joke Next Joke